cameron house and party.

Wow. Cameron House. This week has been a blur. This week is training week, and I have to admit, it's not that bad. I actually quite like it here. However on the first day of official training I felt like shit. Here's a basis of how it's like.

First I was placed in a group called "Solid Ground" which is for leaders (volunteers) who are leading middle schoolers. Me and Wendy were placed in this group and I was really excited, until I found out there are departments within Solid Ground. So I was placed in the 6th grade dept. while Wendy was put into the 8th grade dept. :[ I know I need to grow up and not depend on everything to be placed my way but I felt really bad. The people within my dept are pretty cool, but I felt really intimidated by certain people. I felt like quitting because I hated it. But I stayed because I knew Wendy wouldn't want me to leave. So I stayed. So far I don't regret it because everyone is getting closer and knowing each other better, but I wonder how it'll be later on.

So I went to Jenny Lee's b-day party after training finally ended. It was really fun catching up with people I haven't talked to in such a long time :]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANNE AND JENNY <3

SUMMER...

...is getting boring already -.- goshers. If I were to spend my summer like these past two days, I think I'd kill myself. Good thing I actually have something to do. haha. So a recap of the past few days include...

CSI marathons
computer
cleaning
coughing
reading
eating
sleeping

.....i'm not liking this summer yet.

worst day of this year

Ugggh. I was really looking forward today. I had everything planned out and it all got wiped out.

I woke up feeling tired at 7 o' clock. I was going to take a shower and wash my hair before going to Wendy's house. But the longer I stayed on the computer the weaker I felt. Eventually, I took a nap.

When I woke up I was so weak I could barely get up and my vision blacked out and came back. I fell recently in the backyard and I think I twisted or at least hurt my wrist in someway, but my right wrist hurt so much I couldn't even lift up my covers.

I had to cancel everything planned. and I could barely do anything except lie in bed. I haven't felt so helpless since middle school. When I get sick I mumble, twitch a lot, and cry. It was not a pretty sight. My mom and dad were freaking out because they didn't know what the heck was going on. and I refused to talk or eat in fear of throwing up. I just drank water the whole day.

It's hard to describe how I felt. Right now I feel much better, my head still hurts, but I'm good enough to get on the computer. Just to show how plans never turn out right x.x

and thanks Kelly for your gift :] it really cheered me up and surprised me <33

so busy.

GAH. Summer is finally here, but why do I feel more frustrated than I do at school I'm probably just...nervous about something -.-

Anyways, Japanese finals wasn't hard, but when I turned the page I just frowned. I didn't want to do it, I think I even groaned out loud. I wanted to cut gym so badly. BUT I STAYED FOR YOU PEOPLE. 2 of whom were late. ahem.

Drill finals.........me and carmen like failed, haha but we passed, surprisingly. I couldn't stop laughing because honestly I'd rather laugh it off than to carry it in like last time.

me and jenny swear. NO MORE VIETNAMESE FOOD. >:[ We've eaten Pho for like...3 days straight practically. -.- I'm broke.

My b-day is coming up and as usual, I'm not anticipating it. My mom asked me if I wanted cake this morning and I said no. She frowned a little, but she should know that it's been 4-5 years since I've actually wanted a cake for my b-day. I just hope I don't end up crying like every previous year.

I just read the summary for Drag Me To Hell. It sounds just like the Unborn. Plus! There's no $6 movies! I'm broke yo! Besides, I can't cut the whole day on Monday, I have to go back 6th period to get my finals and correct and wrong answers. After that DC.

I'm not ignorant. I see your reactions to things I do. and I wonder too. How did we get so far apart? Is it the classes? The clubs? The friends? Or are we just like that? I feel somewhat like a stranger to you now, aren't I? But I wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart, after all this shi* you've been through, you deserve it.

and it's definitely a breath reliever to see you two hit it off. and I'm glad. I guess that's what matters right?

Taking down day by day and step by step. We'll never know what's around the corner. Let mother fate decide our path. With our guidance, good hearts will reach good distances. There will be mountains, trees, and oceans. But we will keep on moving step by step and day by day.

I restrained myself today :] No swearing x.x

nice day.

Wow, today was the most mind blowing day I've ever had. I love you Wendy <3

I'm not thinking straight right now >:[ too much hot sauce.

(green bottle = MAH MILK!)

Anyways, I've learned more about a certain someone today. I hope he/she keep our promise, if not, imma blow up!! :P

gaaah. finals. bio. fail. math + english tomorrow. fail more. screwed.whocares.

I can't believe it.

I hate how our fights always turn out fine in the end.... I always find someway to forgive you. I guess that's what it means when they say sisters can never stay mad at each other forever. But you should know that your words do hurt. But my wall is getting stronger with every word you say. Every word strengthens my walls, but these walls aren't my protection anymore. They're starting to come back and affecting me as a person.

I'm realizing that I'm changing. I'm not who I used to be. As a matter of fact, I've never known who I truly am and is at lost for what words to pick. However this "me" people see me as is starting to mold my character. I'm lost. What am I? and who am I? Things are getting to the edge of the cliff. Do I jump? Will someone save me in the end? Or will I be covered with a bed of rocks and left to live in my shell?

Why do I gossip so much? SHIT.

It's been a stressful month.

GOAL 1 - Stop swearing.

whatever.

I don't care anymore. Since I'm so pissed to the point where whatever goes goes. I hate living up to your expectations. You think I'm pissed about what Angela told you? No. You don't even know the other half of the story. Don't just assume things without asking because I have an agenda. I plan everything I do. Everyone thinks they know me when they don't ha. I guess I'm so used to keeping me to myself, I even lied to my own blog.

I'm not like her. Don't compare me with her from the outside. Everyone is different and you'll never know what's truly inside. The more you want to get to know me, the more I'll shut myself in my castle of lies. If you know that I'm not ok, don't ask if I am, because the answer is always yes. So go ahead and yell profanities at me and TRY to break down my confidence. It just shows how insecure you are even though you deny it.