I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Seriously I am. I admit, I'm stubborn. I'm simple and not complicated to know what is that is bothering you all the time. I really don't know you enough, nor can understand you enough.

I know you're not blind about it and you can see. But I'm oblivious to it. Once again, I'm too stubborn to understand. I guess I'm a cold selfish bitch, and NO. I'm not blaming this on you.

I guess I was born high up on this pedestal where I believed everything revolved around me but I would never dare admit it. I didn't and don't want to be the one in the movies that everyone hated. Truth be told, I'm scared to admit it. But I'm spoiled and conceited.

I know I'm not physically spoiled but emotionally. I know my limits when talking to my parents to avoid being hurt. Out of the 365 days per year there is not one day where I truly feel happy.

I guess being through so much crap can really open up your personality and provide you with a colorful volcabulary.

Here's another thing too, I get jealous. I'm not all that sweet, I have a darker side to me I don't dare show. That's probably want happened yesterday and I'm sorry about what I said.

I never think about the other side of the picture, I can't think before I act, and I definitely cannot put myself in someone elses' shoes. I'm sorry I hurt you so much when you're already down. I understand, but in ways I don't.

I always thought I was down in the dumps with me not having all these necessities and whatnot. But I guess clothes and external valuables can't cover up and make up for what and how you feel inside.

I know I'm just blabbering on at this point. and you're probably not getting half of what I'm saying. But there's no words to describe how I'm feeling right now. It's weird.

But the main point is, I KNOW it's not the first time I've done this to you. and you'd think I'd learn by now. The problem is I CAN'T LEARN.

Maybe next time, please just TELL ME what I'm doing wrong. Tell me how you feel about what I did. Then I can learn, then I can at least try to compensate for my doings. Just like I can't learn Bio w/o a textbook I can't learn exactly what I'm doing without help.

If you can tell me straight up, we can figure something out. But please, if you keep it bottled in, I'll never know. I might go on in life doing this to others. I might get hurt, but it's worth it in the long run. That's what friends are for? I wouldn't know. I don't even know the definition for it anymore, because it's much more than that at this point. I'm lost, getting way too high on my pedestal built by my behaviors. Help me change.

"The resonance of sadness
echos in the night.
I want to believe, someday
Someone will help me." ~MM

~Anna Bananna